First some background, over the last few months I have been struggling with tasks that are in my daily life. Some of the tasks are the mundane, ordinary stuff of life - doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking, exercise.
One task of particular struggle and self-wrestling has been prayer.
It is odd, really. I have never particularly thought I was "good" at prayer. I pray. It just is. I go to mass as often as I can and rejoice at times when I can get to daily mass on a daily basis. One of the reasons I love that Paul goes to school is that I can then get to daily mass right after I drop him off (assuming we are ON TIME / early to drop off). So far, for kindergarten and first grade, this has been true. I have been a fan of daily mass since I was 12. When I was 12, we lived within walking distance of the base chapel and there was a daily mass. Monday through Friday, I would go to the library to volunteer in the morning and then get off from that and walk to the chapel for mass before going home for lunch. It was cool. I was the only non-adult in the chapel.
I have had a devotion to the rosary even farther back than that. I started praying the rosary probably about the time of first communion. I remember they taught us the rosary during second grade, and there was a beautiful little statue of the BVM that was shared in the class - everyone got to take it home for a week.... except for me - I got it for two weeks because I "forgot" to bring it back. Oops.... and I wasn't even holding the BVM hostage for some great grace! When I was in my late 20's, I was praying the rosary on a regular basis when I was travelling - something comforting about holding Mary's hand when you take off in an airplane..... And I had a dear friend who was becoming a priest who asked me to pray for him, and then I was praying the rosary and one thing and another and I started praying the rosary intentionally for priests. One priest for each Hail Mary. I started a list. It turns out I knew many priests. More priests than I thought I knew. "The list" has the priests I've known, some I've known of, some I have been asked to pray for. Some priests I don't pray for by name - if I didn't get the name when I went someplace, then the place becomes the intention - ie For That Priest we met when we went to Pittsburgh....
The desire to pray the rosary has ebbed and flowed. I guess that is also part of life. And occasionally, the rosary has become a gift that I give - for example when Fr John Wall celebrated his 50th anniversary of ordination, I prayed the rosary specifically for him, for 50 days.
The thing is, I just prayed. No one told me to do it. I just did it. Well, I take that back.... the summer before my sister Mary was born, my family prayed the rosary together every night after dinner. Monday through Friday ... I don't recall weekends, but we probably did... And there was no grumbling allowed. We ALL prayed it. Together. That's how I learned the Memorare and the Hail Holy Queen..... So perhaps my parents made me do it. But then that summer was over, Mary was born, my mom's job changed, my dads' job changed and we never got back to it. But I had been hooked - I carried a rosary around with me pretty frequently. I thought about praying it. I did pray it on occasion on the way to mass, or before mass started if we somehow managed to get there early. I went to college with a devotion to the BVM.... when a rosary group started, I was there more often than not....
Back to the late 20's/early 30's.... I promised myself that I would try to pray the rosary every day. I would make an earnest effort. And generally, I am not sure how well I did, but I know that I still have the list, I still pray for priests. I pray the rosary more often than I don't. I think.
And then dad died.
I did pray the rosary through his hospitalization and death and burial. I prayed it at his bedside. I prayed it with my sisters.
And then he was gone.
And grief has done strange things to me. I suppose it is a normal experience to realize that everything has changed. And yet, nothing is different.
Going to mass became a grace filled moment, but all the energy in me drained out of my toes and I just felt tired. Was I resting in God's presence? I can only hope so. Reading daily mass readings - out the window. Praying the rosary - meh. Praying anything with any frequency - not really.
Enter Fr B. who asked me what I would do, and I responded that I didn't know.... and so he charged me with praying the rosary. Daily. period. And to report back to him how I did (he kept me accountable to myself and to him as my spiritual director).
OK.
So I did. Mostly. But I worked it into my life. It wasn't a priority, it was a TO DO. It was an assignment. Some days better than others - I particularly liked running and praying the rosary at the same time.... I felt like dad was with me - along with all the angels and saints, cheering me on.
And after seven months, I am still more successful than not, but struggling with HOW I am praying it. I have shifted from praying it quietly by myself to listening to a pod-cast and praying along. Sometimes I remember priests on each Hail Mary, sometimes I just listen to the pod cast. And I have lost the desire to pray it. Sort of. Those words seem harsh. But I have lost something.....
And so I was charged to pray the first decade by myself before turning on the podcast or doing anything. But that was harder - because I couldn't bring myself to not be up and about, I just chose NOT to do it.
And then this week, I was charged not only with praying it daily, but with praying it FIRST. Before the rest of the day begins. And praying it without distraction. Don't move. Don't cook breakfast / wash dishes or do anything else. For one week.
Really?
Really.
And I am, but in my own way... still using the pod cast, still getting up and making breakfast and washing dishes and packing lunch.
And I am kicking and screaming (mentally) all the way.
Then it hit me this morning.... I thought back to Fr John Wall and the days of campus ministry.... He once advised me to not do anything unless I wanted to do it AND I was doing it because I loved God. Just stop. Period. Once I "quit" campus ministry (it lasted about 24hrs) I was able to shift from feeling like I had been assigned to do something to feeling like I had chosen to do it. And I did more.
I want to write that I am going to quit praying the rosary, but I cannot in good consciene bring myself to say those words and mean it. But mentally, that is what I am doing. I am going to quit because it has been assigned to me and I am refusing the assignment. And then I am going to think about it, pray about it and make the choice. To pray. With a better attitude.
What have I learned out of all of this kicking and screaming?
1. God is patient.
2. He doesn't want us to come kicking and screaming. He wants us to freely choose to follow Him. He will wait for us to get our heads and hearts in order.
3. My house is much like my prayer life. I think I already knew this.... when my prayer life / interior life is in order, the rest of my life seems to follow suit. But here is the crux of the whole issue - is what I am doing a CHOICE or an ASSIGNMENT? Am I choosing to do what needs to be done because I know it is what needs to be done and I do it out of love, or am I feeling like it is an assignment and I am balking at it (ie "You - go clean your room/clear the table/do laundry/do whatever needs to be done) and I do it but unwillingly.
4. Fr B. is giving me the assignment out of love, knowing already that if I get my interior life in order, my exterior will follow suit...
So I am off to continue the struggle. I suppose that is the other part of this equation - if we are no longer struggling, we are no longer alive.
And lest you think I am only complaining and not seeing any good come of this - one of the things that Fr B. required of me to put down during the rosary was my smart phone. One of the BEST directions I could have been given. Truly, listening to / praying along with a pod-cast and checking email/FB at the same time is NOT productive in any stretch of the imagination.
Now to pray the rosary FIRST. Before moving, before doing anything else. Can I? Will I? I'll report back later.
P.S. Many thanks go to Sandra G. for helping me hash all of this out. Your insight and friendship is an incredible gift and I am so thankful that we are friends.
Thanks also to Fr B. for being patient.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Pondering
I just read a great post about distraction generated by the electronic life we so often lead. I read it here:
http://www.shovedtothem.blogspot.com/
I know the post was about her children expericening instant messages during the school day, but I really related to it. I cannot imagine how I would function if I had a smart phone near me when I was in school. I know, I had a phone when I was in nursing school, but I always had it turned off during class (how TERRIFIED I was of it ringing during a lecture!) But now, my smart phone has practically become a personal appendage! I cringe when I have to leave it in my locker at work. I fret when I leave it at home by accident. And the people who love me, who know I am accessable at any hour, positively freak out if my phone battery dies and I cannot be reached. It is odd, that not so long ago, a phone number was associated with a location, ie home or work, now it is associated with a PERSON, and we wonder at what age a person NEEDS to have a phone at his/her disposal.
Not wanting to confess my electronic addiction online (would that even make any sense?) I will just say that I am pretty sure I am way to connected to my cell phone and if I had any courage at all, I would limit its use. I am lacking that courage. It is way too easy to use my phone for facebook, skype, email and instant messaging. I don't text and drive, although I have been known to check FB at red lights, google traffic conditions while stuck in traffic jams, and talk on the cellphone without a blue-tooth device. I suppose I should get a bluetooth, but then I think I would ALWAYS talk on the phone.
In my defense, I will say that my cell phone has never kept me out of mass.... I had a dear friend who quit going to Sunday mass for a time because he couldn't bear to part with his beloved blackberry for the hour of mass! Aye Carumba!
I do think though that I need to impose usage hours on my smart phone though - I suspect I might get more done and be less distracted doing it! If I succeed, I will be sure to write about it.
S
http://www.shovedtothem.blogspot.com/
I know the post was about her children expericening instant messages during the school day, but I really related to it. I cannot imagine how I would function if I had a smart phone near me when I was in school. I know, I had a phone when I was in nursing school, but I always had it turned off during class (how TERRIFIED I was of it ringing during a lecture!) But now, my smart phone has practically become a personal appendage! I cringe when I have to leave it in my locker at work. I fret when I leave it at home by accident. And the people who love me, who know I am accessable at any hour, positively freak out if my phone battery dies and I cannot be reached. It is odd, that not so long ago, a phone number was associated with a location, ie home or work, now it is associated with a PERSON, and we wonder at what age a person NEEDS to have a phone at his/her disposal.
Not wanting to confess my electronic addiction online (would that even make any sense?) I will just say that I am pretty sure I am way to connected to my cell phone and if I had any courage at all, I would limit its use. I am lacking that courage. It is way too easy to use my phone for facebook, skype, email and instant messaging. I don't text and drive, although I have been known to check FB at red lights, google traffic conditions while stuck in traffic jams, and talk on the cellphone without a blue-tooth device. I suppose I should get a bluetooth, but then I think I would ALWAYS talk on the phone.
In my defense, I will say that my cell phone has never kept me out of mass.... I had a dear friend who quit going to Sunday mass for a time because he couldn't bear to part with his beloved blackberry for the hour of mass! Aye Carumba!
I do think though that I need to impose usage hours on my smart phone though - I suspect I might get more done and be less distracted doing it! If I succeed, I will be sure to write about it.
S
Friday, August 3, 2012
Where did July go?
I really thought I would write more in July, but the month has already gone and I did get my fingers to connect to the key board once!
So where did the month go?
The week of July 4th I was home with Paul. Our babysitter was on vacation and Mark had to work, so I was home. It was a quiet week. We enjoyed the fireworks in Gastonia. We were going to go to a baseball game, but it was ridiculously hot.
On July 7th, Paul and I travelled to NYC to visit the Welsh family and for Paul to attend summer camp with Miriam at the NY Botanical Garden. We were there for 10 days. Paul and Miriam had a great time at the gardens - I enjoyed hanging out with Cyprian during the day with Mary and John in the evenings. It was hot. And the Welsh apartment lacks central air. It was really hot.
Highlights of the trip for me: seeing the Monet exhibit at the NYBG, and taking Paul and Miriam into the city to see the Today Show and the Lego Store and FAO Schwartz. We had a super time together. I was glad to have Kate with me when traveling around with the kids on the train. I would have been fine on my own, but it was nice to have another adult with me who knows her way around, at least a little more than I do.
I have taken Paul contra dancing. Twice. And now, Paul admits that contra dancing is more fun than the Wii or the DS! He asked how many times he would have to dance in order to be an expert like me.....perhaps three more times? I told him it would take probably 50 more dances. I think we will have that within the next two years! We might have to dance on monday nights during the school year - the exercise and social development are so good for him.... if we can just wake up on time on Tuesdays, we will be fine.
Yesterday, Aug 2, Paul and I went to the National Whitewater Center. We had the most fun, ever. We went on a ropes course. It scared the begeebers out of him, poor guy. But we made it through the course. Then we climbed up to a platform to zip. Only we didn't zip. We had to climb back down. Too frightening to the short one. We then went to a less intense zip line, only Paul wouldn't zip. I DID zip, and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake bringing him out for the day. We changed course and went down to the Catawba river and rode on a flat paddle board boat. Paul rode on the front of the boat and dangled his feet in the water. The previous scary-ness of the ropes course and zip failures left him skittish. He was almost ready to go home but then something amazing happened... I stood up on the boat and he freaked out about the rocking of the boat. Then I started paddling and he realized I could control the boat... he calmed down. Then I gave someone else directions on how to stand and paddle her boat... and he realized I might know what I was doing and he asked if HE could paddle our boat. So I sat back down without flipping our boat over and he stood up and took the paddle.... a smile spread across his face and all of his fears melted into the Catawba River.... after 45 minutes on the water, he sounded like an old salt who had been on a boat his entire life. And he had resolved to go back up to the Canyon zipline (the less intense one) and try again.
So we did. And he LOVED it! We zipped across it twice before heading over to the Eco-trek office to get a GPS and trek around the whitewater center searching for set points on the GPS - there were 11 points around the park - it took us about an hour and we found them all.
At the end of this, we were ready to go home. Did I mention that it was 90 something F? I reversed my promise to never go to Sonic again and stopped there on the way home to get icy cold drinks.... It was drink one or pass out, so I chose to drink a cold drink!
All in all it was a GREAT day.
Today has been much less exciting, but quietly ordinary.
I think I will run tomorrow. Just because I can. I hope my time is better than last year's.
Summer is quickly fading - we have less than 20 days before school starts!
So where did the month go?
The week of July 4th I was home with Paul. Our babysitter was on vacation and Mark had to work, so I was home. It was a quiet week. We enjoyed the fireworks in Gastonia. We were going to go to a baseball game, but it was ridiculously hot.
On July 7th, Paul and I travelled to NYC to visit the Welsh family and for Paul to attend summer camp with Miriam at the NY Botanical Garden. We were there for 10 days. Paul and Miriam had a great time at the gardens - I enjoyed hanging out with Cyprian during the day with Mary and John in the evenings. It was hot. And the Welsh apartment lacks central air. It was really hot.
Highlights of the trip for me: seeing the Monet exhibit at the NYBG, and taking Paul and Miriam into the city to see the Today Show and the Lego Store and FAO Schwartz. We had a super time together. I was glad to have Kate with me when traveling around with the kids on the train. I would have been fine on my own, but it was nice to have another adult with me who knows her way around, at least a little more than I do.
I have taken Paul contra dancing. Twice. And now, Paul admits that contra dancing is more fun than the Wii or the DS! He asked how many times he would have to dance in order to be an expert like me.....perhaps three more times? I told him it would take probably 50 more dances. I think we will have that within the next two years! We might have to dance on monday nights during the school year - the exercise and social development are so good for him.... if we can just wake up on time on Tuesdays, we will be fine.
Yesterday, Aug 2, Paul and I went to the National Whitewater Center. We had the most fun, ever. We went on a ropes course. It scared the begeebers out of him, poor guy. But we made it through the course. Then we climbed up to a platform to zip. Only we didn't zip. We had to climb back down. Too frightening to the short one. We then went to a less intense zip line, only Paul wouldn't zip. I DID zip, and I began to wonder if I had made a mistake bringing him out for the day. We changed course and went down to the Catawba river and rode on a flat paddle board boat. Paul rode on the front of the boat and dangled his feet in the water. The previous scary-ness of the ropes course and zip failures left him skittish. He was almost ready to go home but then something amazing happened... I stood up on the boat and he freaked out about the rocking of the boat. Then I started paddling and he realized I could control the boat... he calmed down. Then I gave someone else directions on how to stand and paddle her boat... and he realized I might know what I was doing and he asked if HE could paddle our boat. So I sat back down without flipping our boat over and he stood up and took the paddle.... a smile spread across his face and all of his fears melted into the Catawba River.... after 45 minutes on the water, he sounded like an old salt who had been on a boat his entire life. And he had resolved to go back up to the Canyon zipline (the less intense one) and try again.
So we did. And he LOVED it! We zipped across it twice before heading over to the Eco-trek office to get a GPS and trek around the whitewater center searching for set points on the GPS - there were 11 points around the park - it took us about an hour and we found them all.
At the end of this, we were ready to go home. Did I mention that it was 90 something F? I reversed my promise to never go to Sonic again and stopped there on the way home to get icy cold drinks.... It was drink one or pass out, so I chose to drink a cold drink!
All in all it was a GREAT day.
Today has been much less exciting, but quietly ordinary.
I think I will run tomorrow. Just because I can. I hope my time is better than last year's.
Summer is quickly fading - we have less than 20 days before school starts!
Friday, June 29, 2012
The end of a busy week and the start of a busy weekend
Today was the final day for Totus Tuus camp. A fun time was had by all. A lot of work was done behind the scenes! The behind-the-scenes-team worked SUPER HARD all day to get snacks set up and then cleaned up, to get lunches set up and then cleaned up, to make 200? water balloons and to fill water guns, buckets and assorted other water toys and distribute icecream sandwiches and popsicles. I was exhausted at the end of the day! Paul was drenched, but happy.
The wiggly boys did pretty well at mass (thank goodness) although my sweet Paul was getting on my nerves being himself. (read: wiggly, impatient, inattentive). Fortunately, another adult was able to call him to sit away from me and she was better able to get him to at least be a little still and out of my eye....
And then pride might come before a fall..... On Monday I was able to get to reconciliation... and then on Wednesday I spent the day rejoicing that I was in a state of grace. Not out loud really, but just in my head. And I did mention it aloud to the director of faith formation because I was glad I didn't have to go, since our parish priest was so busy, there really wasn't time for me to go with the kids. And I was so happy to not feel the NEED to go. And then on Thursday, something snapped and my state of grace evaporated. It is a long story, not spread about online. But I know I will be going back to reconciliation. Soon.
So note to self.... there is wisdom in the new testament when Paul? says that if we boast we should only boast in the Lord. And being proud of being in a state of grace... comes before the fall. Right back into humanity.
Lesson also learned this week: The 4th Commandment states that we should honor our father and mother in order to ensure length of days. I have a new understanding of why. And no, I did not dishonor my parents....
After getting home today, I took a short nap and then Paul and I both got showered and dressed to head to a Rosary for my dad's friend, Mr App, who died this past Monday. Being in a recieving line caught me off guard. Not so fun. Paul joined in the rosary and made it through 2 1/2 decades before Mark arrived to rescue him. I was impressed that he did well. I was also glad that my mom had an extra rosary to share.
So onto a busy weekend - I work Saturday and Sunday with moms and babies, doing lactation. I am thankful to be working in an airconditioned space.
That's about it for the moment.
The wiggly boys did pretty well at mass (thank goodness) although my sweet Paul was getting on my nerves being himself. (read: wiggly, impatient, inattentive). Fortunately, another adult was able to call him to sit away from me and she was better able to get him to at least be a little still and out of my eye....
And then pride might come before a fall..... On Monday I was able to get to reconciliation... and then on Wednesday I spent the day rejoicing that I was in a state of grace. Not out loud really, but just in my head. And I did mention it aloud to the director of faith formation because I was glad I didn't have to go, since our parish priest was so busy, there really wasn't time for me to go with the kids. And I was so happy to not feel the NEED to go. And then on Thursday, something snapped and my state of grace evaporated. It is a long story, not spread about online. But I know I will be going back to reconciliation. Soon.
So note to self.... there is wisdom in the new testament when Paul? says that if we boast we should only boast in the Lord. And being proud of being in a state of grace... comes before the fall. Right back into humanity.
Lesson also learned this week: The 4th Commandment states that we should honor our father and mother in order to ensure length of days. I have a new understanding of why. And no, I did not dishonor my parents....
After getting home today, I took a short nap and then Paul and I both got showered and dressed to head to a Rosary for my dad's friend, Mr App, who died this past Monday. Being in a recieving line caught me off guard. Not so fun. Paul joined in the rosary and made it through 2 1/2 decades before Mark arrived to rescue him. I was impressed that he did well. I was also glad that my mom had an extra rosary to share.
So onto a busy weekend - I work Saturday and Sunday with moms and babies, doing lactation. I am thankful to be working in an airconditioned space.
That's about it for the moment.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Blessings (and minor grumbles)
Blessings First....
This week, Paul is attending Totus Tuus at St Thomas Aquinas in Charlotte. Thotus Tuus is a program that sends four young people (college age) into a parish to teach children about their faith. It is very easy to use - basically the parish says yes, they want a Totus Tuus team to come, they provide a space and the children and ta da! the program is ready to go. The team has two men and two women. In the morning they work with children in grades 1 - 6 in the evening they work with older kids - grades 7 - 12. They aren't flashy, there isn't alot of fluff. It is alot of talking. Broken up into small segments. The team all rotate among the different grade levels. They work on getting to know the kids and on modeling enthusiasm for being Catholic. It is pretty orthodox in it's teaching about the church. The children (all 85) go to daily mass.
Paul has learned the names of some (if not all - I haven't actually asked if he knows all of them yet) mysteries of the rosary AND the corresponding fruit of the mystery! I know the mysteries, but even I never memorized the fruit of the mystery!
The pastor has also made available the sacrament of reconciliation and all of the 3 - 12th graders were given the opprotunity to have their confession heard.
It is amazing to me what a difference this made for overall attitude among the children....The 5th and 6th graders went yesterday and the overall attitude of the entire group was affected. As a whole, they were much quieter and more attentive to the adults in charge. Today, I think, the 3rd and 4th graders go to reconciliation.
If only the 1st and 2nd graders could go......
Which leads me to my grumbles - the largest group (this is really a mixed blessing) is the youngest group - about 1/2 the kids are in 1st and 2nd grade. They cannot recieve communion yet, they cannont go to confession yet. And they need Jesus more than any of the rest of us! The challenge is that they are the wiggliest. It makes me just a little crazy because these kids (my own included) really struggle with being able to sit in one place for more than five minutes. And then to absorb what is being taught to them? I really think only a fraction is getting through. Add to that the difficulty of sitting through a daily mass....
Fortunately, there are about 10 total adults within the Totus Tuus program, and after the first day's disaster mass of wiggly disruptive young boys, we all chose a boy to sit with during mass and we didn't sit anywhere near each other. Huge difference - for the better.
The encouragement I get though is that my dear little one is not that different from the boys in his peer group.
The fear I have is that he is easily a follower.
The encouragement I have is that he recognizes who the trouble makers are, and he doesn't choose to sit with them, they choose him. So perhaps he could be a leader. I have to figure out how to harness this power for good.
But for the moment, I have to get up and get moving! Another day of fun and excitement is ahead!
P.S. Totus Tuus is Latin for Totally Yours - it was Blessed JP II's motto.
This week, Paul is attending Totus Tuus at St Thomas Aquinas in Charlotte. Thotus Tuus is a program that sends four young people (college age) into a parish to teach children about their faith. It is very easy to use - basically the parish says yes, they want a Totus Tuus team to come, they provide a space and the children and ta da! the program is ready to go. The team has two men and two women. In the morning they work with children in grades 1 - 6 in the evening they work with older kids - grades 7 - 12. They aren't flashy, there isn't alot of fluff. It is alot of talking. Broken up into small segments. The team all rotate among the different grade levels. They work on getting to know the kids and on modeling enthusiasm for being Catholic. It is pretty orthodox in it's teaching about the church. The children (all 85) go to daily mass.
Paul has learned the names of some (if not all - I haven't actually asked if he knows all of them yet) mysteries of the rosary AND the corresponding fruit of the mystery! I know the mysteries, but even I never memorized the fruit of the mystery!
The pastor has also made available the sacrament of reconciliation and all of the 3 - 12th graders were given the opprotunity to have their confession heard.
It is amazing to me what a difference this made for overall attitude among the children....The 5th and 6th graders went yesterday and the overall attitude of the entire group was affected. As a whole, they were much quieter and more attentive to the adults in charge. Today, I think, the 3rd and 4th graders go to reconciliation.
If only the 1st and 2nd graders could go......
Which leads me to my grumbles - the largest group (this is really a mixed blessing) is the youngest group - about 1/2 the kids are in 1st and 2nd grade. They cannot recieve communion yet, they cannont go to confession yet. And they need Jesus more than any of the rest of us! The challenge is that they are the wiggliest. It makes me just a little crazy because these kids (my own included) really struggle with being able to sit in one place for more than five minutes. And then to absorb what is being taught to them? I really think only a fraction is getting through. Add to that the difficulty of sitting through a daily mass....
Fortunately, there are about 10 total adults within the Totus Tuus program, and after the first day's disaster mass of wiggly disruptive young boys, we all chose a boy to sit with during mass and we didn't sit anywhere near each other. Huge difference - for the better.
The encouragement I get though is that my dear little one is not that different from the boys in his peer group.
The fear I have is that he is easily a follower.
The encouragement I have is that he recognizes who the trouble makers are, and he doesn't choose to sit with them, they choose him. So perhaps he could be a leader. I have to figure out how to harness this power for good.
But for the moment, I have to get up and get moving! Another day of fun and excitement is ahead!
P.S. Totus Tuus is Latin for Totally Yours - it was Blessed JP II's motto.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
End of the year....
It isn't really the end of the year. It is the end of the school year.
I am reminded of when I was a child and I had high hopes for a summer of accomplishment. I used to sit and dream of all the books I would read, the good habits I would develop and nurture, the things I would do....
And then reality would set in. Housework, occasional visits to the library, babysitting, daily boredom, or fun doing nothing in particular. And then the week before school started a mad scramble to make good on at least a little of the earlier dreams.
There were a few really good summers.... The summer that we lived at Fr Devens.... I spent that summer volunteering in the library, covering the dust jackets of new books with the plastic that made them durable. I was there four or five days a week.... I would walk or ride my bicycle there, and then afterwards I would go to noon mass at the chapel before walking home for lunch. Afternoons were lazy affairs. And then in July? I went to Oregon by myself and spent a month with my grandparents.
The summer that Mary was 2, Susanne and I went to Girl Scout camp for two weeks, came home for one week and then went to Oregon for a month to visit our grandparents, aunts and uncles. That summer, I bought a great kite and enjoyed flying it at Washington Park in Portland, as well as on the beach.
The summer before college I spent as a nanny taking care of three small boys. It was good practice for what is now my reality with one small boy although it was totally different.
The summer I worked for Dr Winchester on the summer conference on Quality..... It was an empowering experience and it changed me into someone willing to pursue graduate school. I think it enabled me to tap into some of the latent potential that I had been carrying around.
Now.... I am facing a summer with a six year old. I have high hopes - learning to swim, learning to ride a bicycle, reading for fun.....
Reality: Some of it will happen. Life will get in the way.
Meanwhile, I am so very excited that I get my little boy back to hang out at home. I hope we have a great summer and that we both have fun together. These days are going much too quickly!
I am reminded of when I was a child and I had high hopes for a summer of accomplishment. I used to sit and dream of all the books I would read, the good habits I would develop and nurture, the things I would do....
And then reality would set in. Housework, occasional visits to the library, babysitting, daily boredom, or fun doing nothing in particular. And then the week before school started a mad scramble to make good on at least a little of the earlier dreams.
There were a few really good summers.... The summer that we lived at Fr Devens.... I spent that summer volunteering in the library, covering the dust jackets of new books with the plastic that made them durable. I was there four or five days a week.... I would walk or ride my bicycle there, and then afterwards I would go to noon mass at the chapel before walking home for lunch. Afternoons were lazy affairs. And then in July? I went to Oregon by myself and spent a month with my grandparents.
The summer that Mary was 2, Susanne and I went to Girl Scout camp for two weeks, came home for one week and then went to Oregon for a month to visit our grandparents, aunts and uncles. That summer, I bought a great kite and enjoyed flying it at Washington Park in Portland, as well as on the beach.
The summer before college I spent as a nanny taking care of three small boys. It was good practice for what is now my reality with one small boy although it was totally different.
The summer I worked for Dr Winchester on the summer conference on Quality..... It was an empowering experience and it changed me into someone willing to pursue graduate school. I think it enabled me to tap into some of the latent potential that I had been carrying around.
Now.... I am facing a summer with a six year old. I have high hopes - learning to swim, learning to ride a bicycle, reading for fun.....
Reality: Some of it will happen. Life will get in the way.
Meanwhile, I am so very excited that I get my little boy back to hang out at home. I hope we have a great summer and that we both have fun together. These days are going much too quickly!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Simple Things
This evening after dinner, Mark, Paul and I took a walk. I was reminded of the simple joys of life. And I was pleasantly surprised to find myself back in one of those content moods that I thought was long gone.
This evening's walk reminded me of the walk Paul and I took last spring when I thought that the last Halycon days of early childhood might be coming to an end. Happily, I was wrong. Not to say that these days are all simple and care-free, they are not. But there are some happy moments, interspersed among the busy-ness of every day life.
What I noticed tonight:
Paul has twiggy legs that make me smile.
The dog is finally small enough or rather the boy is big enough, to manage the dog on a walk.
The boy and the dog both want to be first wherever we are going.
We have one more week of belonging to a kindergarten class..... I can't believe an entire school year has past already!
On to summer...
What will we do?
Will Paul learn to ride a bicycle?
Will Paul learn to swim?
Will we make it to daily mass more than just during weeks of VBS and Totus Tuus?
Will we read more than we watch TV or play video games?
Will I ever quit being more ambitious than reasonable?
Will I ever get good routines established? I am making some progress at praying the rosary, for anyone following along.... I do manage to pray it probably 6/7 days, and it is on my mind, I just don't always make it.
At any rate, it is getting late and I need to get to bed so that I can have a great day tomorrow.
Oh, and just in case - if you have a small child with an unexplained tummy ache - if the child can jump without feeling worse - it's probably a virus, not a belly in need of an appendectomy. There, I might have saved you a few hours in an emergency department!
This evening's walk reminded me of the walk Paul and I took last spring when I thought that the last Halycon days of early childhood might be coming to an end. Happily, I was wrong. Not to say that these days are all simple and care-free, they are not. But there are some happy moments, interspersed among the busy-ness of every day life.
What I noticed tonight:
Paul has twiggy legs that make me smile.
The dog is finally small enough or rather the boy is big enough, to manage the dog on a walk.
The boy and the dog both want to be first wherever we are going.
We have one more week of belonging to a kindergarten class..... I can't believe an entire school year has past already!
On to summer...
What will we do?
Will Paul learn to ride a bicycle?
Will Paul learn to swim?
Will we make it to daily mass more than just during weeks of VBS and Totus Tuus?
Will we read more than we watch TV or play video games?
Will I ever quit being more ambitious than reasonable?
Will I ever get good routines established? I am making some progress at praying the rosary, for anyone following along.... I do manage to pray it probably 6/7 days, and it is on my mind, I just don't always make it.
At any rate, it is getting late and I need to get to bed so that I can have a great day tomorrow.
Oh, and just in case - if you have a small child with an unexplained tummy ache - if the child can jump without feeling worse - it's probably a virus, not a belly in need of an appendectomy. There, I might have saved you a few hours in an emergency department!
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