It is hard to believe that it has been almost a month since dad's funeral. In this first two months of the year gone by, we have all had the crud, dad had a stroke and died, Paul has been plagued by stomach virus and Mark and I are once again battling sinus crud.... We just get over one hurdle and another one appears. I suppose that is part of life, isn't it? We run the race, we jump the hurdles.... sometimes the hurdles get us, sometimes we clear the hurdles. Eventually, the race is won and we will claim our reward.
The Good - a couple of things:
1. Eating dinner at home every night (or more nights than eating out!) has led to a major reduction in PMS symptoms for me. I never would have believed it before.... now, I know. So, for all of you out there thinking that you need a change - try cooking at home and see if it doesn't make a difference.... I still have the "happy pills" and may take one if my internal grouchy meter starts to go off the scale again. So far it has not.
2. Paul has started Martial Arts / Self Defense... in two short lessons, his coordination is starting to improve... slowly but surely. But the bigger change is school - today, he was THE FIRST ONE to finish his daily work.... that has NEVER happened before! Everyone was shocked! Hoping that this is related to the class, and that we will continue to see these positive changes.
3. Paul was "happy green" all week!
Now if we could just stop fussing at each other, we'd all be alot happier....
4. I DID manage to run twice this week(M-F) - so in seven days I have run three times - onto week 3 of the Couch to 5K running program. I hope I make it past week 3, I seem to have been stuck there for the better part of last year.
The Bad...
Mark is battling the sinus crud, and I think he has shared it with me. Bummer
The questionable...
1. When we were at the hospital with dad, one of our neighbors was an older couple. One of the reasons given to the patient to recover was in order to reclaim her job as 'official toenail cutter'. We all laughed. Who would want to recover in order to be able to cut someone else's toenails?
But I learned this week to miss dad in another way. He was the one who cut mom's toenails.
2. I also learned that I don't miss dad when I am doing yard work. Not that I don't miss him, but I don't miss the energy that I used to spend being aggrevated that he wasn't out helping me as much as I thought he should. I was able to get out and do a major job for mom and not be angry at having to do it by myself. Dad hated gardening and yard work. He had allergies to grass, so from an early age, he excused himself from anything yard work related (read: he got someone else to do it, usually a girl - his sister, his wife, his daughters!) In the last five years, I was willing to help him with some of the yard work - major tasks like putting out compost or mulch, planting flower beds, picking up sticks - but I was not willing to do it all alone. Sometimes he would help, sometimes he would start to help and then run into the computer, or he would stop on the pretense of making us lunch, getting us drinks, or getting a snack. It was an interesting epiphany.... in some ways, not having dad right here is a bit of a relief. Or at least, not holding him accountable to something he didn't want to do is no longer part of my job description! Hooray!
3. The other questionable thing is that I have had conversation with two of my uncles. Both admit regrets in how their relationship was working (or not working) with my dad. Both were not talking to dad in the days leading up to his stroke. Both called and worked at making peace with dad before he died, but when the one you are talking to cannot talk back, you have to wonder how effective your peace proposals really are.... We believe dad forgave his brothers because we could see his face, we could see him weeping and we wiped his tears.
Now, these same brothers are telling me that they don't talk to each other. What am I to do? They cannot change the relationship they had with dad, he's dead. They CAN change the relationship they have with each other, now. I would hate it if any one of my remaining uncles died and I had to witness the same heartache again. Please guys, if you are reading this, do something about it. A little forgiveness goes a long way. A little patience can make a big difference.
Meanwhile, I am praying and asking the intercession of my dad, St Eugene, St Barnabas and St Paul on behalf of my uncles for there to be peace among them. I hope that something good comes about from my father's death - and that good would be a building of friendship, or at least peace, perhaps tolerance among my uncles. Join me in prayer - together, we can storm the gates of heaven!
Dinner tonight?
Smoked salmon cakes
Steamed fresh asparagus
Sweet potato pancakes
If you need to know how to do it, drop me a line and I will fill you in.
All the best,
and Happy Lent,
Sara
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